Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
