and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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