We won't sleep together?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
