Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
im drinking this country out of the recession.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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