You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
