i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
