Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
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