More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
