All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
