but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
