shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There r osticjed everywhere
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
