shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
