Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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