I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
