I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
worst night to have a conscience
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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