It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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