I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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