shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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