Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
