Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
