Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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