My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
