Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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