She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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