after a month anything with tits is on the radar
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
me + whiskey = a bad person
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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