There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
