I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
