so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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