what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
