When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
