so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
