I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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