bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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