my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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