Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
