It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
