so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
