He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You took a bar mat shot.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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