paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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