Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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