is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
