I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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