I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
