You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
