If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
where are my eyebrows?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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