well I can't set my house on fire every night
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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