I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
