ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
