Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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