Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
