Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
