I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He shit in the fireplace
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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