Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
