you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
