Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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